Over
the years of losing and letting go (through death, divorce and resignation
from full-time employment) I now describe how I live, when asked,
as ‘self-supporting’.
It’s part choice to experiment living this way. Maybe 90% or more of the human
population live like this: no regular income, no insurance, no pension, no
‘security’: living hand-to-mouth. But I am grateful and fortunate to have a home base; from its shelter I've weathered comings and goings, mindful of many who lose so much more from wars and upheavals – refugees - and those born into pitiless poverty, claiming only pavement space.
I've often heard said: “we all want security”. What
is this essential security and where do I find it amidst crisis and loss, beyond the usual social security checklist? The blazing question!
This phrase, 'self-supporting', asks to be turned around. I do not support myself: over time I see how
my self supports me. My own body is given to me – my
gift, my treasure, my only real security that carries on two feet who I am, until the day I die.
Self-supporting is different from self-sufficient; true self-sufficiency is almost impossible for us species, a drastic and lonely way of life. Interdependent communities and webs of support are part of being human; one can be self-supporting but still in an exchange of community.
There is a famous intimidating quote which has such potential to be divisive and exclusive. But when I turn it around, check its context, chew on the original Aramaic and look at it upside down, it points towards an inner powerhouse. “I am the way the truth the life, no one comes to the father but
by me” I understand as follows: my body will always tell the truth - it never lies and the truth always has a way of coming out; my body gives me an inner guide that shows the way; and my body is the only life I know, while I'm alive. Through our bodies we see, sense and connect with the loving energy tirelessly at work within our
beings. I understand I AM as reference to the body, the inside-inside us, and is all I have as the primary way to truly connect with this nameless source of life (father, mother, parent, source). Apparently it's all I need. Any more is just an add-on, helpful or not.
It's almost a bit embarrassing and too simple; here is no great
doctrine to proclaim, nor rituals, nor dogma; it does away with religion. We
all have a body – like all other matter on this beautiful earth – and this is
our first port of call to connect with our great loving source inside and around
us. No body is excluded.
This
body becomes my support through my life. If I give it ear, it guides; if I watch it, it tells me what I need to know; it's my home base to return to and to live from, always. It is my
constant companion and friend, there at birth and there when I
die. It has a wisdom that underpins and supports the incredible whirring connections
and train of thoughts and ideas in my busy brain.
The trauma of loss toppled the ‘top-heavy’ construction of my life. As my world fell apart I found that my SELF is able to support me, more than I ever knew. The secret love affair continues, so secret it feels illusive and fleeting; just a suggestion of direction.
The
practice is to descend into the body and discover the treasure it is, always just enough for the present.
Liz Campbell is the sole writer and composer of all the published material on this blogsite, unless otherwise stated.
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